Philosopher Down Episode #1
 

EPISODE 3 is OUT NOW CHECK IT OUT

NOW THERE IS ALSO A FORUM TO POST ANYTHING YOU WANT

WE NOW HAVE STREAMING INTERNET RADIO                                                           

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Philosopher Down is an animated cartoon designed and written by William A Terry. It's purpose is to leave a gender bending aftertaste on society and propel Will to Stardom.

DAILY BLOG         02/10/2008

I know its been ages since ive posted anything here, and my apoligies, ive been in rehab for a long time, i plan on updating alot around here and getting the forum up and running again as well as the radio hopefully. i can only say  that i dont fit in alot of places here in florida, im always working my soul out for some depraved fuker of a boss, who knows, i miss her though, every day there is a fleeting sense of her permeating through the sky like as silkscreen, sorry for the mispell,

12/28/2007

Well im back from rehab, and i will post something soon . sorry for the delay.

09/11/2007

    I hope you enjoy this very special homeless episode of philosopherdown. iam mostly homeless except for the kind grace of the women in my life, who alowed me to crash at their place for about a week. now i find myself being thankful for the smales things in my life nowadays. I cant put out any new video diaries due to my lack of permanent house or location. But as soon as i get my new apartment, i have many things to post about being without a home of you own. Small things i usually take for granted, seem nw to take on a huge size of chaotic collosal dimensions. Im managing to stay sober though and im sowly building up more clean time after giving up almost nine months of abstinence . Now every day seems slowly connected by an unpredictable collection of random events followed by  some extreme calamity driven episodes.

09/06/2007

            So my life is exactly like the dice inside of a yahtzee cup. Spinning out across some board game that is my little slice of existence. Ive been living in hotels and staying on couchs for about four days now and im feeling slightly less than sane, but through the grace of good friends and the loving support of my family im going to be ok. I will get through this, i will come out singing on the other side.

09/02/2007

I woke in a dream rage of color and sound, within the whisper of a ghost froze a still stunning chance. the idea that something would evolve into a symbiotic relationship.Scarred out of my mind right about now. Shaking that dream off in the morning i lit the first cigarette of the day, and you smokers know thats the best one ever. I have run into a dilemma here, some of my posts deal with my interactions with my friends here in florida. But i cant write about them for fear of them readig it off my site. I got a little serenity today, just a spoonful though , nothing to shout about. Sun in my eyes and smoke in chest, its time to start this impossible day, i shouldnt have lied to her, i did becuase im an idiot who screws up everything and sabotages my own life , everytime, im awaiting that exit stage left, becuase i know that day will  come.

7

09/01/2007

      Have you ever had something so beautiful you knew you could never keep it?

 08/28/2007 So im quitting writing, its funny that my passion for writing, would be my ultimate undoing ,. and it has cursed me by scaring her away. So i quit writing forever/

     08/21/2007

      I spent the night with her, that image of her transfixed vertical , ill always remember . Beautiful. Shadow of the moon reflecting in the lake and a halo of neon dashing at the tips of her fingers. Drag these hands up her body, make that final connection "angel headed hipster, in the starry dynamo". Sleep in the state of forever her. Silk and satire, words thrown about like rice at a wedding. This red ress hugging her like a second skin, hair pulled back behind her ears, that one strand hanging off to the right, she looks so classy and , well, the perfect woman. Dragging thunder and brushing against pots and pans, things go tumbling to the floor with us, sound of metal hitting tile and im lost in her, never , ever want to be found.

08/18/2007

        im trapped, in a state of complete writing frenzy. i cant drive this idea out of my mind, that theres more to a glance, to a stare, i wanna make something where there is nothing, she always shows up alone and i want her here now, stay with me, ill make you the happeiest girl on the planet.

 08/13/2007

                   So i dreamt of four diffrent girls, all beautiful, all worlds apart, my first night back in town in florida, and guess what happens, Three different girls i meet , exchange numbers with, and now i have three fates. i dont know what to do. the world is strange.

                     08/06/2007

                          What if NASA planned an expedition to another planet because they got some pictures from a telescope of plantlife on this planet. SO we spend all this money trying to get to the planet, just to find out that they were plastic plants like the kind for decoration here on earth, I would laugh.

                08/03/2007

                 I offically want to bury myself in a water grave of Dewars scotch. These people need help!

                 08/01/2007

           So im in texas at my parents new house, im feeling very disconnected. I drove through the neighborhood i grew up in today, what a shock,to see that everything was still the same waste i left it in to begin with, still the same cop spots in austin, driving past while a polaroid of memories strt flip booking through my head like an addiction gag reel rolodex.  I suddenly remember why i left this alphabet town, ive run into the worst of my writers block ever, i suddenly find that without my florida muse, i cant punch out the same amount of material like i used to, which is one a day, im gonna find some new form of inspiration out here in the hills of this damn state

                     7/29/2007

                        So im going to texas soon to visit, and also to be quarantined by my parents. they dont trust me enough to let me go about on my own. Which is a shame, i have many friends i wanted to see. They think im gonna come back with twenty syringes attached to my eyeballs, which is understandable to a degree.  i really just want to see her, i would do anything to get next to her again. Even a whisper away, is a whisper closer to her. just a shadow chance closer , and i would remember her always,

                          7/23/2007

                          I have this secret crush, no girl in particular, actually im slowly falling  for the entire female populous. Its their own fault, they are the ones who cast estrogen all over the place like a hormone pinata spilling its guts all over the planet.My radar goes off in crazy ways when im around one of these ladies. i tried to pretend today that women dont get to me, and the only thing i could say to her is "you have no effect on me whatsoever" a total lie, secretly i watch her at times, she has the most crippling side habits, the way she smokes, this way she walks , the way, she does everything, it gets to me secretly, so i think i will take it out on the entire female race then, its only fair,

                     7/22/2007

                    I need, something that is completely unreal, intangible and gratefully formed from plastic. I think id like to put some stability on layaway for my life. If you

have any i could borrow let me know, it would help.

                  7/20/2007

                     If i put my mouth to this seashell and yell extremely loud, i think i can get through to that mermaid i dreamed of the other night, how fun would it be to get down with a mermaid in the ocean, lets see you top that, i dreamed it , so it will be real one day.Still locking myself in at night, locking the door and the windows and not leacing my terminal for hours on end. Even if i had a girlfriend , i imagine she would be extremely bored with me, and i couldnt blame her, i saw a picture of an ex lover today, it made me a little bothered to see her there looking beautiful and elegant, i wanted to scream at her,"GO HOME GO HOME PRETTY GIRL AND GO AWAY" so i did, but i was alone in my room so it had no effect.

                 7/20/2007

                   i woke up early from this craay dream where i was in charge of saving some rare precious endangered animals. I climbed a tree but the hunter people got me anyways. Then i was in the 1800's and i was trying to steal a keyboard from this music shop, and it was all very strange and bewildering. Still, going home alone and sleeping in an empty bed, wondering if she will come back, but i doubt, sometimes memories take on a shape and become tangible. I can almost reach out and touch that memory, but my reach doesnt exceed my grasp, i end up only looking at the memory from a distance, in some nostalgia reunion in my mind.

                   7/17/2007

                    It crept up on me slowly tonight, this trigger memory echo from some song she used to always sing. Every time it plays out these speakers i can only remember the sound of her shouting and throwing fragile objects at me that would usually shatter on a door or wall like a romance sitcom. Then we would be going out to the pharmacy to get insulin syringes to shoot heroin daily. For some reason, everything was better once that steel touched the vain. it leads to a center in my head where i was better of than dead. i miss it at times, just the dreams not the nightmares, which were horror story real and tragic every day and every day out.

              7/16/2007

                I just took a glance at the strange search words that will turn up my website on google. one of them was "slave to the needle wrist surface piercing", im impressed that this brings up my site. im going back to texas to visit in august. i miss her and i know i will see her again, in fact i hope it is all i see again.Her name still rings out across every stilt of rain i see in florida which is many by the way, every windsong says her name, i even dream of her in black and white. I hope one day , one time, in some far away place, we'll be together, and it will all come into focus. I still think i could make a lady of her, and make her my lady for that matter. On a side note, i dont mind sharing the amount of sexual frustration im under these days. its terrible, every time i see an attractive dame, i turn away quickly and i lock my door faster and draw down the shades, and try to think of anything other than women. it doesnt work.

               7/14/2007

                 I went to my rehab alumni meeting today, i was a little out of place, so i told some jokes, some recovery humor and my bannana republic story, i think they enjoyed hearing it. so i didnt stop , i told some more and they laughed, while i keep a straight face .for some reason, i love being the center of attention, im a whore what do you expect.

            7/12/2007

           This woman i was talking to at my job on the phone, told me her entire life story then she begin to cry and tell me god bless you sir.

she talked to me for one hour and twenty minutes

she called me back to recommend i read savage america by john savage

                7/11/2007

                 It starts with this dame walking out on me, it ends with me driving along side her, asking her to please get in the car, that i wont let her walk home, how long do i need to drive next to her with her pedestrian passivity, "please just come with me , just stop walking please. Work drives me so crazy that i punch the air like a crazy suburban samurai. take that! vicious wind and rambling rain.

                 7/10/2007

                 I played a joke on myself. can you believe i fell for it?

i can. im so freakin gullable. I convinced myself that this girl could bring it all to me, pictured picnics and white picket fences in my brain, all one breath short of the sad true nature of people. and their silly fickle ever changing mutating decisions and moods.I think the world is telling me that ill never find her, and believing she is out there, is a hopers dream that rarely really pans out,i can hold on for so long, every day im losing her, slowly slipping grasp till she just gives one backward glance while passing me by in his arms. i give up

                   7/9/2007

                  In the breath of the morning, i cant forget, seven numbers on your train ticket,# 1509777. 15 days in a hotel room downtown, neon dream scene, corporate signatures in high def throughout the sky. The 17th floor lust party, dimentous liquors spilling at every moment. I remember wondering if people doused in potent alcohol ever combust due to the heat of attraction.If not, then girl we are about to set a record. Heat signatures double backfiring, bed gravity multiplier.If you catch a wayward solar flare , i can ice cube a fire in seconds. just wait and watch with me, my dear girl, i have alot to teach you.

            7/6/2007

            I wonder if they still enforce corporal punishment for traffic offenders, if i knew the light was red, then i wouldnt be colorblind sir, instead of giving me a ticket, kindly give me a non color coded map with directions to an optometrist/

            7/5/2007

            Another 4th of july eh?It only reinforces something i know too well,

Americans, love to watch shit blow up. In fact they will congrigate in mass just to watch something explode, Whether it be cars or buildings, its like a public hanging, everyone wants to see it. Like a car crash, you just have to look .i couldnt help but wonder, watching the fireworks from a vacant lot next to my house, what it looks like to people who arent colorblind like me. none the less , it was beautiful, i was only slightly down trodden not having a female to share the spectacle with. just estrogen would have made it something better, something, real, and tangible

              7/4/2007

                   I see her everywhere. in a flash from a nearby skyscraper relfecting headlights from the windows. When someone smiled the way they did. i saw her face in them, when i sleep , im with her, wrapping her in my arms, and she loves me forever in my dream. Woke up at 3:34 today a,m.

i only have one thing to say about women, i wouldnt be able to write without them, sometimes, i imagine that i writing for women, and i shape the poems , in a way, to try and let them see, guys on the outside are tough, yet in the inside, they too get crushed,, everytime i hear that soung by broken social scene, i remember driving away from her house that day after catching her in bed with someone else,cold winter night in san antonio. i miss her, please come back 

                   7/2/2007

                    I think today was intended for a semi worthless, going through the motions but faking it really, type of day. i pretend to not be a completle chernobyl on the inside, but one person rubs me the wrong way and i end up telling them why the world would be better without them <i didnt mean to come off that way, its not his fault that he is a completely worthless human being, maybe he was made with a weak sperm, maybe "his dad jacked off and his mom sat on it at the last second". My sense of abandonment is triple fold now that she is gone, There seems to be a vacant event horizon i keep drifting into where a star figured picture of her connects from Cassiopeia to Andromeda, buring bright vega blue in the middle. She is my path by starlight, burn bright, every night , for all time.  

               6/30/2007

                It rained all day today, i felt some phase of ennui creeping up on me, like a silent cheetah, and then explosion, there it was, a wave of desperation came over me as if there were some dire hole in the planet that i was standing in. Some event horizon crossed leap of faith, where i can never return. What to fill it with, ? i just dose myself on seroquel and try to sleep off this empty grave. It works for about ten minutes, and then it seems, no matter how much i write or read, this deepening sense of dread never fades,. one day ill write the final story, or , as it will probably be: the final story will write me, whichever comes first.

                 6/30/2007

                 Speaking with her is like dowsing yourself in steak sauce and running towards bear country. Somehow, when she talks, everything in the fucking universe clicks and it all makes sense. I think shes a little out of my league/ too pretty, really to be interested in me, What if that night in the sand, never ever ends. kiss forever, in a dream . thats where we ended up, rolling in the sand, sound of  waves tumble crashing like a soft water assault, instead of the way it ended, with you leaving my car without even a backwards glance, too drunk to remember i guess, that one night, we were living fast and forever. i want to pretend it didnt end like that, can i dream? can i make believe, that somewhere , it lasted forever.

                 6/29/2007

                  I think im slowly loosing contorl, everything is ceiling fan spinning around, please stop, i need to get my bearings. I actually sold dish network yesterday to a blind man on the phone. I think when i die,,St Peter is gonna say "Ok all you blasphomers, murderers, and adulterers, to the left, and oh yea, telemarketers too."

                   6/25/2007

                Shes in everything i see, touch taste and together with her, nouns and verbs arent enough to put her together. I just want release, where is the affidavid for being content, ill sign in in triplicate , i think i would write my obituary with ad libs. This trapped downward spiraling fall. Seems like im sinking again, she gave us up, so she could get drunk again, and threw me away in a flash. Now like all the rest, turned away cold and broken, remembering to implant that forever memory trigger, over the shoulder danger glance, want to return home inside her, feels like coming home forever. The song rings in the same way, my girl, the needle still bounces on that record about half way through, it still plays alone, it never sounds the same with out you. In fact its not even the same song without that impenetrable sway you always contained like magic in your hips undulating pendulumn body straying form and function.Just go go go , please, remind  me no more of what is no longer mine, i already know , i can never get it back. cant i just pretend it was never mine in the first place. please help. its all going down. 

                6/25/2007

                  Awake with a flash. Im still alive, still heart still beating. some empty vacancy motel flashing neon yelloew sign internal tells me im open for business. All i want today is some stability. Does anyone have any i can borrow? Can i go to a store and get a loan of stability? Can i rent to own some stability? What is the going interest rate on satisfaction? Just want for everything to puzzle piece fit together and wake up without that restless dire feeling of some grand catastrophe on the rise.

                    6/24/2007

                     Her again and again, That mazzy star center circle lay light drive. Its her again. Pushing through a thousand introductions and get to her core, The middle of her, sin central station, and ive got my first class ticket double punched. A picture of her eyes only, that bright green bright attack. There it is once again, this restless feeling of discontent and ennui. Sneaks up like a rabbit hungry predator. Cant chake it off, breathe. Take that medication , fall asleep , pretend not to remember. But i can recall everything, ...everything. 

                6/23/2007

                Woke up in a haze. Where am i? My typewriter was still on repeating the last letter i wrote which happened to be a K. Ive had this feeling sneaking up on me the last couple hours. its stealth and its sketched out all over my skin and heart. I wonder when it comes, what void am i trying to fill, somewhere that women once occupied now left vacant. I wanted to drink heavily, and pour scotch all over my problems and then light them on fire. Only im probably the one that would end up burned.

                  6/22/2007

                   Its starting again, that deep tremor chain double reaction. Starts in her eyes, diffuses like sand through a slik screen. Every cell of me is shouting screaming reaching out at her, dragging at her heels, falling on her coat tails. Ill trip over a planet to get to her, Ill trip till fall into pieces if that is what it takes, to get her back.

                       If I had one more chance, i would have jumped ship from here, some new guy in my house relapsed and fell over vomiting up xanax pills. She drives me crazy, just cant shake this remebering curse. Everything, feels far away today, this impending sense of ennui.I started yesterday wanting to get high very badly.There was a feeling of something missing in my morning routine,.Some trigger narcotic  void that crept up on me like a stalker. I needed something to fill it. I thought of women, no, i thought of drinking, no, decided to write instead, that typewriter hashing out lexicon combinations like a prose driving robot.If youre here right now, reading this, , send me some kind of message. Just tell me everything will be allright. I think im suffering from bouts of seriously restless behavior, i want to act out.

                   6/18/2007

                     Youre out there, youre reading this right now, come back, i miss you , please come back ,. im sorry

                    6/18/2007

                    Finally had a day where everything seemed to fall into place. i didnt think of her once, twice or thrice. It all seemed to be sewn across some invisible thread, Getting home with no phone and im missing 4 calls. You have one new message " Its your mother, im worried i havent heard from you! call me please" Message number two " Its " her name insterted here "i havent seen you in awhile and i want to see you again, im a little worried that i havent heard from you"

Message #3 "Its your mother again, ive called the police and they dont know where you are and i called the major hospitals in the area and i havent been informed of your admittance to any ER and im worried and im calling the coroner next " Message #4 (where i screened the call) "its " insert her name here "i called your mother and she said youre in the hospital or something, i was hoping to get ahold of you so i can get my black t shirt back please call me in ASAP format"   

                     6/17/2007

                     Its just everything about her, nothing in particular, its just everything she does, tastes like, and looks like.
How she can be so distant when im sitting next to her?
Proximity problem and the sensation false congruence carry all.
Its those eyes, jubilee optic fixations, legs like long rose stems and lily trails in her hips.
I want to be inside.
want to run straight through her, panic breath exhaling, hands gripping slipping thousand thread count sheets.
To completely divide her where time becomes a collapser.
To thoroughly strafe in this flesh, held wrists against the wall, eyes down in a haze trance. i want to know where the walls Lego fall apart Jenga style and corporate logos running flush with the skin..
Running into her like a block of ice on the fire flip.
Velvet underground concentric sound wave bounding across walls like a fawn in a purple daisy meadow
To sustain an estrogen trip , seat belts twisting lust knots and legs to roller rails.
To increasingly run those hands in and out of time touching Chronos confusion dances. Need to absolutely make right in her what exactly is wrong in me.
Hands in a flipping fantasia kick and ears era screaming two thousand seven till all glass puddle melts into liquid lining lingerie.
Lay down in this plasma cloth, see a star falling burning Icarus wings melted wax from this sheltering sky.
Its just everything about her, nothing in particular, its just everything.

                        6/16/2007

                        She’s still here. still heart still beating empty canyon fall in my chest.
She’s still here, dying questions in the native tongue clever colloquialism.
Somewhere in the sister sky calling, screams out in iridescent catastrophe clouds.
Somewhere in the brother barrier earth switches axis to push her closer to that solar flare sun.
despite all terms or labels she is still the last living catastro-female.
Everything she touches falls apart. Beneath her feet ground becomes glass, shattering splices see through crystal and losing obvious opacity.
Wreckage run down, broken path woman wake snaking behind her like a loose thread on the recoil.
Walls crack, a terminal zig zag endeavor, goes to shake my hand, and Tylenol cookie crumbles like an organic sand dune.
Stared for too long in those eyes and now I’m blind.
Listened for too long now my ears are for aesthetic purposes only.
Tasted her for so long that my tongue is now made of Styrofoam.
Touched her ever day for 4 years to find out, I can no longer feel, just this vacant echo that still whisper rings through my head in corresponding Morse code traffic telemetry intervals.
She should come a with a warning label "DISCLAIMER: if you involve yourself with this dame you are prone to sudden attacks of dire ennui and rollercoaster emotional exponential velocities. Also in some rare instances, your appendages may become delectable edibles upon direct contact"

                         

                                     6/14/2007

                            Frustrating day, i think the dame who once was fond of me, no longer cares for me. Which is understandable. SHe has the most beautiful eyes in the world or any other world for that matter. Everything about her is distant today, Ive never been so far away from her than when i was sitting next to her today. Strange stars are double and triple crossing me today. I just want her. Simple. plain, incredibly complex in every way. I dont understand women as a race. Or a sex. Or a species. I just want to know. and not get that little bit i know , wrong as well.

                           6/13/2007

                            I spent all night getting the new forum up and running , What a fukin debacle. Happy that it is up and running though. I reposted my story about gravity and i hope you enjoy it. Its way too bright outside today im considering not even going to work and just lounging like cat, not only for today but for all time as well. Sounds like a good idea. Im waking up today s sun is permeating through the curtain like some sand slipping a silkscreen. That fan humming bird away its 10 hertz grave. Heart is pounding in his chest, reaches slowly for his gun, ship is sailing in the west, flowers that could be his fun. Now he is slipping in  his head, weary red split open eyes, on account of thinking about my life, every girl every way and what it signifies. Also my boss told me today "all i know is i dont know you" ill remember that the next time i introduce myself for the fifth time.

                          6/12/2007

                        Actually a good day today. besides almost being seduced by a scandalous female, which was like a water drain on my conscious.If she wants me she should just seize me by the jaw and punch me in the mouth to save me the eventual feeling ill get from her. Telling me this and that and musing around my house like a candle driven moth. Sometimes she really is beautiful in this off center way. Other times i know she would wreck me like a train derailed on a tuesday.Anyways i finally finished the third episode and i think it will make you laugh so check it out damnit!

                         6/11/2007

                         tried to sleep
everything is wrong wrong wrong

cant salt shake that memory wrap clinger
curtain fall from a heavens grace
cant digit dial that seven permutation hand task
surface call from a friend now replaced

tried to forget
everything is closing escrow in my eyes

wont step this border line crossing sand dwelling boundary
human warranty date number assures you
wont split apart seams stretching your rag doll heart
seven year home suffocating original catastrophe

tried to replace
everything is a nervous wrecking beta test in my hands

never space delay this cosmic kelly comic trigger
soul hopping this emoticon stair falling apart wear and tear
brother watching ever ending soap opera spinner
this is my life song humming wings beating all i can bear

tried to fall apart
everything is me killing me slow motion quicksand slow dance

always eyes staring unearthed museum daggers
Mayberry pole sister dancing sky in a sin strut
that seven drink walking sleep inebriation danger swagger
algorithm equation heart spitting zeroes in a bottom filling rut

tried to get away
everything is ringing ears shouting screaming tangible audio
homogenous sound blender mixing words like a food letter processor, orange and yellow words become food for the distraught

sometimes its all calling me Morse code yes no handshakes
falling rhymes of an hour hand , minute hand, second hand smoke
smoke ring handcuffs and carcinogen intention breaks
this feeling left over yesterday withdrawal hanging over central street wanting reaching grasping slow dying hope

tried tried tried
but Saturday

Saturday keeps me

tried tried tried
but Saturday keeps calling me

                           6/10/2007

                          YELLING!:" If you dont clean this fukin mess up you can find a new place to live." this is how my day started. With the still clinging memory of her filtering in through the black curtains. Breathing smoke circles concentrics filing through this doorway like flies in a fire dirll. YELLING!:" And you Will staying here all day on your damn typewriter typing away like theres no tommorow ..." me; "But really there is no tommorow, i can prove it mathematically.with numbers" Shes still here. still candle still heart still beating,.. can stil taste her perfume in my sheets. just cant shake her or that imprint mind numbing spirit crushing western song she always hums. I just want her back ,,, mine for all time and forever

                          6/9/2007

                           Im gonna miss her, the way you miss a record you once had and loved then lost. She is beyond beautiful. beyond any aesthetic perfection code ive ever known. I think that is why she is leaving she must know on the inside how much i want her. And will continue to want her until the memory fades like a cross trigger symphony.

6/8/2007

                        water pouring in on every sides
and my brain is quickly becoming
a mobile cerebellum aquarium
liquid lilly jumping for a wet dose
fire meeting the first fate fake out

this ship is sinking
crew jumping out, cells leaving my skin
dragging anchor through my feet
and the white flag kissing the water
making that tracer trail vision surface bender
a radian ratio perspective 12 degrees left of center
40's music blaring out some crystal radio
crackling as circuits are desiccating their carbon coffin

tripping falling talking
wood splitting at my ribs and seams spitting out embers
blue and orange flares jumping out through my eyes

im shaking out some vital marine apparatus
clanging metal meeting metal on the floor
sparks catching out at the corners of my hands
where flesh meets fire in a purple flash

propellor hands hashing out their last turn cycle R.P.M.
oscillating in an overt twelve circuit crash circus

i think i might be sinking

white blood cells passing buckets back and fourth
filling them up with the depleting plasma pulsing in
aesthetic perfection codes

i think i might be sinking

the last thing you'll see is a faded gray light
cascading down an ocean of traffic
spelling out steep silhouettes tracer back firing
through some underwater filter aqua frame

i think im completely going down

                        6/7/2007

                       I know its supposed to be a daily blog so I'll apoligise for yesterday. I sell dish network and its only slightly easier than selling razor blades on fire. With explosive packaging.

                   6/5/2007

                      I’m still burning backwards eyes out in a cross station. Waiting for the L train, steam pulling around the edges dancing at my feet. Florida everglade sky above vertical wrapper, keeping me at bay with the gravity grave. She’s in the ghost whisper of human traffic jumping to and about like a marble in a blender. I swear I saw her face ricocheting through a window picture perfect staring down the sun in a frozen frame. If she ever remembers, I only want her to forget the sound of that door closing behind her. heels clicking the linoleum, and that twist turn around the corner. The last image I saw of her was that pane of glass window rolling down on auto, and a sun reflecting a phosphoric party in the windshield, illuminant dancer on the surface. I knew that I was likened to that reflection. close enough to see her but impossibly intangible to her, I’m still burning backwards and I’m falling forwards and falling for hours.

                        6/4/2007

                         I started my new job today and I rocked its face entirely. i am now a sales rep for Dish network. Still i find the memory of her clinging to me in the likeness of the rush of traffic passing me by like an unhungry shark, belly full and teeth rigid. Working two jobs now and my eyes are stinging form the backwash of staring at a screen all day. i worry that im just going to wake up one day and find out that i have turned into a telephone. Since that is my primary skill, one day i wont have arms, just a slinky coiled telephone cord and number tones wil be all you hear from my mouth. My hands will become dialer buttons and i wont be able to talk to you face to face, only over a phone. BEEEEEEEEEP!

                        6/3/2007

                         Last night proves that I let women run and/or ruin my life. Which ever they prefer really. There is just something about the company of a woman that goes right through the middle of me. I think I would stand in traffic eyes cloes hands out if she told me it would make her smile. Im standing here waiting for her to grasp me by the hand and guide me through psychologically collapsable terrain. If I ever feel as though I am in control, just remember, you have the illusion of control. Any time you really believe you are in charge of things, always remember she holds the strings and you are a willing marionette. Eyes crossed, palms down in the sheets, she breathes me out, and I her. Hands withheld, skin magnet, polar petrify position, makes her into my ragdoll. Now she is the marionette.

                     6/2/2007

                     Sex and ice cream. Im really smitten by this uncanny beautiful dame, who has daisies sprouting in her footsteps. If she wants the moon she should just say so and ill knock it out of the sky with a slingshot so she can keep it in her pocket.

                      6/1/2007

                       I didnt know this until now. But apparently i'm the worst thing to happen to women since the period was invented. I didnt mean to hurt her, yet i did precisely that. There is no greater crime in the world then to make a good woman cry. Which makes me a villian on this planet.  This image burning deep in my mind just wont fade, and im not sure if i want it to. i just want her here, tonight, just once again. Once again so I can always remember.

                      5/31/2007

                      She’s hanging in between two cliff jumping points, To my left sudden ennui and to my right definite desperation. I don’t have much of a choice. So I jump through the middle of the canyon. I try to pull my ego parachute but it crumbles like a jigsaw puzzle in a glass explosive blender. Reaching out for a safety catch tree limb but its made of clarinet reed oil and slips surface splitting several separate serendipitous solutions, they just give way, sounding out clarinet tones all the way down. I saw her ten seconds as I’m making terminal velocity in various vertical directions. My thoughts are racing at 9.8 meters per second squared. Hitting the ground all I can hear is a backup parachute ejecting ten seconds too late and the wind rippling in a Florida everglade surprise breeze. I only wish, she would have jumped with me. Parachute grave for one, six foot dirt nap.

                      5/30/2007

                       I find that when women look at things, they see it completely different than any man. For instance, someone passing me by in their car had the music blasting. Then they cut me off. I cursed and grew angry. The dame next to me tells me im angry for all the wrong reasons. she says: "You should just be offended that he had bad taste in music". Never would of thought of that.

                       5/29/2007

                       Another ridiculous day fighting the trials and tribulations of here and now. Work , come home, break my car, catch a monkey, freeze a bee and club a baby seal. What a boring day. This dame ,whom i hooked up with, every time im around her there is this controlled silence that we both know,,, the other night, we were in eachothers arms. An unspoken subliminal understanding streaming between us like a lust flag.Just for that one moment, i swear, my watch stopped, people froze like greek statues and became porcelain white. I swear for one moment, it all stood still,. She and I were the only souls breathing air then. i can prove this with a pen and paper, heck i could prove it with an Etch a Sketch.

                        5/28/2007

                        We live in a crazy mix up confusing world. Now that i have the internet streaming radio working, im trying to think of more things to add to philosopher down. A new episode should definately be on the way. I feel they just need more UMPH!!!. I want this girl so bad i can taste her from here. i want this dame so much, Id jump from a plane if it meant i could see her at the bottom. Parachute or not. Just a glimpse will do.i just wanna share a milkshake with her. Vanilla for shizzle.

                         5/27/2007

                          Tasting her lips in the sand. Instinctual drive tells me to hold her by the back of her head. Pushing her down into the sheets. Ocean meets moon in a distance center screen eyes and camera fold. im home inside her. Always feels like im returning again. Return forever. In a clutching panic breathing shouting love exhaling trepidation miasma vapor trail, i find her screaming out to the starts tonight. Solar ears hear a night light cry out, exiting stage left and echoing through Andromeda. Rings in Saturn and triplicates with a cosmic whisper. All stars collide sublime and a homogenous synthesis of two souls expel voices of divinity.
Never forget this night in moon sight. Never remember the trials of today trembling the treasures of tonight. Feels like returning home forever.

                                    5/26/2007

                                    Every day is closing escrow in my eyes. just cant shake the memory of her that hangs like a lit up star in my mind. Everything reminds of her. Just everything please go away. Come back when i actually want to deal with the world and its little silly games. My day is not a a board game for this dame. why do i feel like  a players piece in monopoly? Why do i only seem to be able to move in permutations of 1 - 6? I sold newspapers today, funny at one point in my life i was throwing the papers out of a car window. now its my job to professionally piss people off via telephone. I must have the VIP section in hell velvet roped off for me. I hope they have good seats. i hear popcorn cooks well in hell these days.

                       5/25/2007

                         well my faithful readers ive been out of comission for awhile but i am back. Several things have happened with sudden impulsiveness. First, i got myself a surface piercing on my wrist. it looks wicked and i plan to put a photo up soon. Women continue to be a large determining factor in my life. They seem to come and go with such ease that I wonder sometimes if they are a hybrid breed of human and alien. Maybe a centipede. They seem able to walk on air, while staying firmly connected to the ground. tonight i will see a girl I know from work , whom i am extremely fond of. I feel terrible for something I did recently. i can only hope she will forgive me. on a side note, i did club a baby seal recently. i know it was wrong. but i have such a sweet coat now.

                      5/22/2007

                       So with great trepidation and consternation running hot lava in my veins, I went to do my stand up comedy routine at CofeeOkee. needless to say i bombed completely. Ive given up on doing the open mic at coffeokee. Later in the night, i went with some dames to a place called DaDa's where they were hosting a poetry night.Completely randomly i went up to the mic and did some of my comedy bit. I dont know if it was because the people were drunk but i got a lot of laughs and they applauded me. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Then a dog walking by exploded into coffee grinds and I had purret dog espresso. It was delectable. I've never had such good coffee, it made me want to scream out. "FUKIN DELICOUS"

                     5/21/2007

                     Sometimes i remember the sound of her name bouncing off of hotel walls and ricocheting into my ears at a distance and angle contradictory to juxtaposition. it must be some kind of holiday because I feel like I'm permanently trapped between words in a Hallmark card. Women trouble me today. what they are. things they do, the way they secretly run this planet. Really they do. Think I’m wrong, try going without one for awhile and tell me how chaotic and unstable you become. I don’t know what to do. They penetrate right through the middle of me. Because what i see them as, they are really not. They're by far the fairer sex. I envy the power they wield like an ecstasy baton. forever i am in debt to them. forever.

                     5/20/2007

                        With all these new piercings in my face, when I eat my food, i look like a cat trying to eat gum. I keep having to chew with the side of my jaw and swallowing very carefully. Now i have five , each eyebrow, my tongue , lip ring and a labre. All I want , is for a girl to enjoy herself, by pulling on them with her teeth. So what if im a sadist or a masochist. I got feedback of all types when I posted my story "trampled avalon" on some live journal communities. most people were angry that I broke some rules. I did get some good feedback though. And it made me feel a little better. 

Daily poem:

there is an angel pressing ethereal wings
fluttering halo bubbles in a blur
seven days from a trace of grace
following an iridescent sliver of lace

"there’s a blue light in her room"
makes this haze all day covered in azure and plush crimsom
makes this heart beat lexicon lacerations like a whip of idioms.

in a shadow play, silhouette meets strings
in the marionette trepidation dance.
somewhere in a vacant lovers transmission she breathes out vapor trip of rose petals and estrogen plated hands in a mix

in a back alley, eyes tethered to her, and lips gravity driven sideways to hers, that one moment, breathes out a splash of lust and mixed liquid estrogen wave crashing dashing collapsing

there is a reason that lilies run to her, and
the daisies in her footsteps, the sun dancing at her heels in a stellar fox trot, there is moon in her falling/rising chest, there is starlight in a lovers satellite, cross central station America and down through the valleys of her skin

there is a way
but I wont, cant

there is a way
but I never,

always

                   5/19/2007

                   Today i saw a woman i once knew, i actually kissed her at one point after watching a movie. I couldnt focus on anything else while she was around. And it generally bothered me just to be around her. I wished her away in my mind but nothing happened, One day all my secret wishes should be coming true. Her name is Sophie, and she never called me back. Its a shame. because she was beautiful.

          5/18/2007

          Today i went and had three piercings done to my face, and i loved it. every moment today was wonderful. let me spread this feeling like jam on some waiting bread. im in a great mood everything is perfect, now take this great feeling and now its yours to have.

   5/16/2007

       I do hope that all women will one day, become robotic cheerleaders. It's a dream that i harbor with the utmost seriousness and honesty. I've examined several modern applications, such as professional robotic girl oil slick wrestling. Also, I've examined the idea of plugging a play station controller directly into a girls brain and controlling her like that so I can watch her do numerous kick flips and hand stands. I believe with my heart and soul that to save the human race, all girls must convert to becoming robotic slave girls. As the sole proprietor of this concept, I will hold all the patents and I will control the design and look of each robot. I will create several departments such as, Personality Construction, General Estrogen distribution, and the "Will is my ruler" fan club. Please email me and let me know if you would like to sacrifice your body to be integrated into my master plan for the female race. I promise to make your robot the sexiest thing on steel legs

Email me at

wintermute7@philosopherdown.com

POEMs OF THE DAY

"thriller threads"

Kick open the door, swinging hinges punching metal shock aftertaste
She’s waiting there on the couch, sly grin on her face like a coy rag doll, all raggedy Anne giving me the button eye.
So I grab her by the wrists and pin her up against the wall,
It’s everything else that happens during the kiss and not the kiss itself.
The drink that spills seeping deepening blue liquid carpet hugging.
The books that tumbles gravity grave drive off the shelf,
“Dharma Bums” kicks open to page 37 on the floor and text ticker tape mini parade says “Cody and I split this two star town on the verge of finding her picture on the back of a 45…”
the unmistakable senders sensation of cold apartment walls up against the back of your wrists.
Some shattered slit of car lights making a halogen bright picture show, all cut up by bars on the windows making a shadow prison on her and I

It’s the breath of the kiss in my head. In my brain.
Cooking a vapor miasma temperature trick splitting disaster from Fahrenheit to Celsius and back again

I’m fucking ready to go

Her dress kisses the floor, A & F label turned out like a pocket.
Red cloth kisses carpet craving cloth crimson crucifix next to the blue spill, and white carpet making a psuedo American flag on the ground.

Still seeping gravity ways.

The back of the couch catches her like a furniture womb and she pulls her arms around the back of my neck.

This estrogen envelope of her. This estrogen envelope.

My knees touch carpet and I fall down. Stay with me.

All I know is I cant move.
When she splits on top of me like a hot razor through paper.
And im made of pulp.

This V never and unfold undone and unending
I want to stay forever.
I’m sure neighbors think im running a black market flesh demolition derby, transmission clutch, and fourth gear in the epidermis.
Because my skin is fleeting falling forwards.
I’m slowly drowning face down bathtub of unmelted ice, and im slow dancing in the quicksand.
Her legs wrapped around me and im that barber shop red white spinning swirl.
I’m wrapped in velvet.
All cashmere skin pressing skin.
Bracing her against the wall.
Her back rubbing against fresh painted apartment walls and white splotches digging into my hands.
Some weary waltz we do.
We are locked; key and tumbler tumbling steel stepping dropping the flat wound side of the lock.
On the inside, I want to completely wreck her like a rental car with no insurance then break the steering column and report her stolen.

Scissor splits in her hair.

Car crash me and glass flies my breathing respiratory drive is failing.
I want to, want to, want to, have to make this blue flash divide like a trigonometry question mark, digital divider division decision.

She says my name, and stretch sketches the last syllable out like an audio organic rubber band, thriller thread on the recoil.

I want her to get carried away. So she does, nine nails in my back, and im a cat’s scratch pad.

/Inhale/

Flicker match Virginia slims 100 clasping to her lips,
She’s breathing and breathing is a drag on her smoke.

/Exhale/

She looks me over and with apathetic eyes she says
“How you getting home?”

"machinery of the moment"

I have to speed write this,
Because that is the speed at which it occurred
Fast and jumbled
Like a blender mix of fragments that share no cohesion whatsoever,
All splicing event horizon black hole back stroking through the
World’s fishbowl on magnification wide lens auto replay.

A car cuts my vision in half and its me, reflection looking glass self destruct,
E.T.A. rained out arrival pavement skidding tension breathing glass lint in my hands
All trip kicking my per ambling this caution way street, just tell me where to stop,
She outlined my body in chalk and drew the yellow tape around me like a may pole.

A love richochet echoes out like a soft siren, but it was only a reverb,
The elongated reference to something that was once there, but now only makes an auditory silhouette, back framed against the sound foreground of the spinning metropolis.
All wind up cars in motion, and “jockeying for position”
Still trying to find that cog in the machinery of the moment where they fit,
And that machine breaks all the time.

One day I saw the workers who fix the machine, they looked ,like you and me,
Carrying empathy drill bits and and heart shaped hammers, and the oil was pure concentrated estrogen, the lubricant that ran the machinery of the world.
Every man wanted to deny it, but they knew the slide, the sway, and the substance of why the machine ran smoothly sometimes,

Where as at other times, springs would suddenly jump loose like kamakazi acorns, and plummet 20 feet wide in the street, and gears would drop from the lithosphere and dance rotater style into the traffic , wheeling by like gigantic metal hula hoops.

The machinery of the moment,

Spins me out every day, drops me in like a random parachuter, and I take ground in where the steel frames
Decided a place to put me,

That day,

It put me with you

And gears stumbled through the current of the metropolis…

"taylor"

taylor was built like Audrey Hepburn circa breakfast at tiffanys
legs like long rose stems
wound up like a rubber string on a shotgun trigger,
skip tricking through early 20's on a flapper kick.

ready to blow at any second
hair like velvet curtains on the underground tip
all the potent insanity that comes standard with the ego warranty on a beautiful dame.
usually that counter mechanism that lies deep in the heart of beauty.
a wrench in the gear machine of reason

if you were to split her in different pieces and count the rings on the inside of her heart, you might find the soul of a 20's style flapper debutante
in dapper dresses and a blue bonnet in her brown hair
a copy of the "story of O" in her back pocket and a lace sash around her pale neck.
mixed in with a heaping tea spoon of insane counter culture art school girl
gone wayward drug circles and parent money running platinum visa on a vodka hotel bender.

whatever small thread of content satisfaction just caught fire and incinerated spontaneously like a match in a solar flare.

she calls me late one night
"i have a hotel room in boca, i leave for rehab tomorrow... wana come over?"

and i bat the idea around in my head like a golf ball swing
i decide in my mind that "even though she stole my wallet and called me a waste, she might be ok“.

i remember her dropping ice cubes and ordering another vodka darnoff like a true lush with a wink and a nod.
then a coy smile followed by her putting her legs on my lap and stretching, velvet rope splitting seams, cracking and tension kicking.
shes wound like a blue thunder streak hot alkaline in a post day sky
that seventh note always rings, metal clang of silverware striking the monkey bars

minus the bear humming out 12 decibels at five inches above the plush of apartment carpet, catching echoes in the sides of the furniture.

and her voice again, sinks like a hot dagger down ways, slash of steel in my soul and i cant unwind her. cant unwind anything.

taylor, if you weren’t written over with tragedy like a Shakespeare fortune cookie, i would follow you there through seven states and the forever stare all jumbled together like glass in a letter blender.
spitting out vowels at the sides and breathing out a paralytic paraphrase.

ill miss you

but i wont want to remember again.

"seven sight"

i ran myself into a counter critical situation,
i wanted to feel something real.
Reverence out of sight and mostly care correct, make a boy of me and im an echo eclipse.

Florida sun was on the down flip kick and i wavered and watched solar star magma ocean over slide into a blue wave crashing cinder fall.

every thing went wrong, and i stumbled ground ways gravity grave and a heaven fell grace angel stars in my heart.

she starts talking , i saw it in seven different ways, all a tragic testing of my limits, "what are your principles?"

i wonder now if i have any.

talking is a drag drag drag on my smoke, slipping down razor edged dialogue and spike velvet words in a shadow play. It all sounded like you.

take this letter filled blanket, wrap a cloth calamity in your arms, hold tight, some half mumbled response might be the latent last thing you hear from me, conversation crash, fade fever forget, some 50's analog anomaly is humming out a crystal radio, 47 hertz short of a deliverance dispatch, 50's telecaster please deliver me.

sand in my days , select lunar call out nights, celestial star serenade, white pulsar bright heart beating and Cassiopeia danger drive me through an emotional blender, all the hazards of a relationship and none of the rewards.

speak shout scream out core center shake relate any intention dropping floor vector Venus and Pluto catching in your hands
make, wake, forget ,

remember when cloud cover chaos creation showered us in water, im driving pulse riding, eyes center crossing, hush closing, your lips in the simple embrace me to you. soul bouncing like glass in the lithosphere tethering marbles to the sky, weight skipping height drawing, hands in a pocket fix and im thinking all in sounds , this day in a rose parade.

seven sight and echo ears, i hear you, i hear you.

seven ways from a chance, syllable strafing, im giving in and giving up.

seven days in Delray, my only wish is to hear you one way, and never again, in cluster catastrophe puzzle piece picture panorama of that night on the beach,

seven times, ill see her , dream ways and seven sight in a cosmic carousel centrifugal car crash.

www.philosopherdown.com

"ghost"

inside a whisper, a straight syllable collapse
sleeps a chance,
the ill run possibility that atrocity made with a choice,

the still stun variability to live like a ghost.

within seven layers of conversation, slept a gate crashing life sustaining truth, forever drive
palms in a sweat and eyes in hazy day parade,

she left, walked out high heels clacking like dice on tile and that hair twisting around her neck like a noose.

the ever awakening drive to make something from nothing

the never shaking reality of deconstructing a relationship from everything.

around Swinton Ave i dropped her off and that final embrace lasted hours multifold and slow motion quicksand tango, the jet set meets the maritime.

now this letter biting anxious ability drive surging water fall liquid drop in my veins, exhale that clove, heaven star stall in my chest, makes a hammer pulse in my heart.

ghost choir says your name.

woke up tied up in knots, felt silver ice dropping bullets in my back,
fell asleep in her, now im distraught, and words all cat piling my mouth in a stack.

choice hour say my name.

walk into moving traffic, headlights fading down a four way intersection, full stop this fucking mistake, yield in a tracer shadow, delirious dancers on the brakes, red light rose dancing the pavement to the core.

outside the city limits, i gazed upwards to see Mars full tilt locking ethereal Astoria orbits, lunar fallout, seven minute late light in a crimson shudder.

that door clicks behind me like a vice and the first letter blood spills like a displacement overflow, then some liturgical lapse fires a paralyzing freeze through me and i cant write anything. still cant

running sand never trade a moment for an escapade,
summer stare cuts soul center like a shiver blade.
what i could give you
city span ocean all purple velvet trailing a string splitting the horizon coast to coast.

what i could give you
yesterday falls apart, what was made clear, only made me disappear
and live like a ghost.



www.philosopherdown.com

"happening"

its happening, like a fire burst from a gun, dead center heart bull’s-eye, driving hot shriek of metal sideways, left of the center exit stage left heart.

every time she says "if I had wings id drop you from a high rise so you could kiss pavement" she doesn’t mean it though, its always followed by an applause of laughter, pull that sanctuary rip cord, plummeting parable parachute, yellow bulls eye, and the interior sound of wind rushing like when you stick your head out the car window. headlights slow dancing in quicksand thorough in your eyes.

its happening, some wavering bass riff is filtering through on four steel strings, bouncing off that ceiling poster that swivel dances in perpetual inertia fits like a home grown domesticated tornado decided to move in and make a fusion centrifugal spiral out of you and i.

with most glances, you wonder, look twice, look away then look, back, catch her eyes in a juxtaposition trick, this momentary miracle , maybe five seconds passed, i decided to time travel, freeze focus and i lock eyes like a vice, metal steel closing in on my temples, ring of alkaline pulsing in my ears,

its happening, sharp brush of razors edge, dice of daisy, green and red, cutting a cartwheel through this crippling conversation. that pause i know, frozen in frost, ice on the quick up and up, i cant move, eyes like jolly ranchers. Blue within blue, all dolled up in seashells. A break in the exhale and exchange of wording, im struggling for something clever to say, fall short like a taxing plane in place, landing gear misfire, first out shot of flames, fire sweeping like a dinosaur sized broom, making a dust pile of fuselage and chassis. all in a mix, crumbling in the fashion as a ball of yarn set ablaze, im in the middle, stuck between words.

its happening, jumping from break to break like a drum n bass beat, snap, snare rush, im spitting out words in cotton fragments, blue syllable style , make a final strephonade, im calling out, make it happen.

www.philosopherdown.com

"five states and a forever stare"

from five states away i love you, arrows and road signs, they'll never tell me what i say to you now, you mean more than platinum sheets of glass and golden sheets of Egyptian cotton.

Venetian blinds for eyes and my hands are water born, aqua digit keeper, your number in my eyes, the Stillwater equation, left to right, alphanumerical alias.

fourth state , highway 60 west and the tracer trail halogen heroes are spiral dancing, that accelerator hums to my mind, every pulse interval whispering your name like a sub level ghost.

seven empty Champagne bottles rolling out on tile, i cover you in liquid to the clever core, falling from room to room, some curtain catches on your necklace and it rips down covering you like a beautiful dress, and im running after you, tasting your heels, wanting to be the fabric that follows you like a faithful shadow

third state,, brake lights hitting like crimson echo splashes, throwing all the red dropping light like iridescent rain, making that heart, beat like a jackhammer.

fourteen days in Tripoli, i cover you in thousand thread count dresses, throw money around like marbles in a blender, don’t care, i worked that year, to forget that year, make forever this night on the sun, hopelessly tied to you, i wouldn’t be tethered to anything less of a women, astral princess, queen of timeless quotations, my valium loving valkeryie

second state, that song, syncopation heaven stare, that streak of yellow piano, drives right through me like a stake in a state of permanent audio adhering vacation.
another blast of light from the road, im thrown back into the highway jitters, all lines and signs, such narrow ways, nothing like the warm way of a woman, all soft like feather cotton pillows in a daisy field. sun filtering through a row of flowers making a sensual silhouette out of the most
the most
the most beautiful girl in the world

im water for legs and dropping hourglass sand for time, that last drive

final state of bliss

im walking to your door , and the roses are drooping baby but i mean the best, from five states and a long stare, i came home to you, my valkeryie , my astral princess

i came home forever

"smiles and glass ice shatters. Fractal patterns emerge spiraling out like roots deepening ground ways.

camera shutter freezes, burnout beauty, not even a picture does it a shred of justice.

she dances like that magic eight ball teller center, rotating on silver joints, blue destiny, shaken to an answer.

i worry, its the women in her, it puts the "worry in me"

the half light of some guest room ignites sheltering us in this five minute forever.

dear heart, dear heart, please over heat, too much, too much,

pulse beating 120 b.p.m. pounding bricks in my chest, eyes darting in sparkler directions shouting flares to the east and back again. rose compass lovers.

dear hear, dear heart, bottle up and explode, aorta misfire, that snare drum rush and im driving blood seven times too fast down my spine.

hands searching out every far reaching grasp, skin to skin, race pacing sin to sin, shouts in green light, i saw exclamation marks jumping like metal dice in a magnet center.

dear heart, dear heart, carpet meeting cloth, mattress burn in my back, seam scream and a twist catch of gothic sheets wrapping at my ankle.

breathing out vapor tomorrow, i begin to think i am likened to this breathing, always coming out too soon to carry the right message to my nervous system, a day late, and a hi hat trigger riding through my ears, making this escapade an audio parade.

dear heart, dear heart, if you can just beat long enough to carry me to her, i promise, a thousand warm blood cells will lift you through the tachycardia, i will pull you out myself to breathe the last breath sand home, that final calling, moonlight and star bright.

the sense of warmth, the sense of this astral estrogen overdrive acrobatics,
"that four minute Stratocaster warm pulse firing down the fret board, phasing out in A and E, rides like a specter through the miasma cloud keepers collection"

dear heart, dear heart, she will, she will,
dear heart,
..stay stitched together for one more night

dear hearthe "

"dream"

i dreamt, a delirious, dream last night.

shaking in my sleep ,

amber

amber is built like an ideal gothic noir fantasy.
(white plastered pasty skin like a deadly porcelain doll, black eyes that draw in light from every angel, event horizon eyes, fish net stockings hugging her legs in the female apparel faceted agenda.)
amber : "My little soul wants to slit its little soul wrists and pour lemon concentrate in the womb of wounds"
she stands impatiently drawing X's in the gravel with a black stiletto heel meeting knee high reflector boots.

sarah

sarah has blue optic parade eyes sheltered by Audrey Hepburn cocaine party thick glasses. Slightly shorter than I she is at the perfect height to kiss. Short blonde hair cropped with a razor blade (the one she did her wrists with one night in Austin watching red dye #49 rain dropping on white carpet making crimson circles) She mostly resembles an X cheerleader who went M.I.A. to slip into tragedy drug circles and got washed up dancing bare at the Palazio to cover her meth/whiskey addiction.
sarah : "Every time that customer with the trailer for a house and an outhouse for a name comes in, i wanna drive a steak knife through my heart"

Rene

rene wants to be the American Idol star that cries in the glossy's and smiles to a thousand camera fed TV subscribers. She sings in full voice while walking down the streets (people doing the pedestrian stare and pretending to look away but in a conspicuous manner). She looks like Madonna in the Lucky Star years with a hundred bracelets, a torn Public Image Limited shirt (exposing red sun burned shoulders and a northern accent riding her tongue like lyrical Zorro. Raggedy Anne with a razor edge.
rene : "When I'm famous, I'll buy a black car with black rims. I'll cart you to Wal Mart in style..."

Elisa, elisa, elisa...

Elisa looks like every dream I’ve ever known to touch a splash of estrogen vapor that burns, burns, burns, star eclipse beauty and deep green eyes that shimmer blue in the middle. When she gets mad, i think Vega ignites purple and rains down seven minute late light into her eyes when she turns all hostile on me. I love it when she gets mad, when we finally "meet in the middle" everything is somehow fixed when I’m inside her. home, wrapped in velvet her, thousand thread count forever. Tall, waist like an hour glass, stellar silver earrings turning with every pivot her perfect frame makes. i miss her, every time i dream of her i wake up reaching out and always the dream ends before the vision of her fades, i swear i woke and she was next to me today, if only for a chance, its always in a dream.

"com position"

"are you ready?"
i always remember this space in her eyes filing out like a spray of citrus cut center orange on a plain daylight white bright canvas.

she pulls back the dropper, i see my own red dye #49 spilling into a plastic syringe with numerical dose counters sliding up and down like an opiate totem pole.

"now breathe out"

she pushes the plunger home slowly and i remember a 60 watt light bulb going dark in my mind and dreaming that i was constructed of rags and yarn.

100 cc's fix draining gravity ways down into my heart..

she smiles and kisses me while Elliot smith was singing in the fore or background, one of the two, probably both,

90 cc's potent punk paste drilling into my aorta and fluttering on its way to brain land.

leaning back i topple over, spilling the bottle of Dewar’s on the plush carpet.(cold touch of liquid seeping into my legs)

80 cc's time slowing, motion dilemma delays and this crown of halogen wearing her like an iridescent tiara intangible.

my mind is in a clutter sway and this "center in my head" , is endorphin rushing serotonin dropping white blood cell firing this sedative train down the axiom by way.

70 cc's eyes open briefly when it hits me, this last look into her brown brown brown's , this virulent mix is pacing laps through my nervous system, dropping hints of pain destroying condone dreams and waking heroin nights.

her hands drop to the floor and i can see all the chemical collaborative catastrophes stuttering through her eyelids and occasionally exiting stage left in the form of whispered murmurs dropping like liturgical lexicon parachutes from her lips.

60 cc's total black out, a negative coffin womb, wrapping around me like a see through velvet addicts blanket

fading out, eyes crossing, hands far far away, everything is a distance from me, everything seems manageable from this addiction island(somewhere off shoot Florida keys maybe)

50 cc's
she's always glowing like a mega estrogen candle, that terminal look she gives me with eyes that could penetrate a submarines metal hull.
(red lights flashing, ship going down, sailors all punching deck and leaping out displaying orange life vests)
40 cc's
just barely catch my reflection off of a mirror looking glass self destruct.
30 cc's
hearing tension strings on the speakers sliding up and down that Gibson hollow body he was always playing, voice echo firing in my ears warm and blue.
20 cc's
seeing that final shout out of reality filtering in through a sedation day dream, some upscale Austin duplex moon shimmering off reflective empty cigarette packs.
10 cc's
red rim shot of car's honking and slicing around in the world outside, in such a hurry, i pay it no worry, because its all so far away.

dice rolled, dancing on the welcome mat to dying, hitting that doorbell and running back to the real world to only escape again some other night.

in juxtaposition, she always looks as though shes moving, i know she'll actually stay perfectly still, and always maintain this communication position,
this com position to her . always sounds like numbers down a stretch of pharmacy grade plastic and steel.


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"dame"

the first thing she said to me was
"i bet we'd go together like black and white TV"

she was dressed in silver glowing threads and shone like a polished glow in the dark diamond.

hair all pinned up in falling danger bangs, these sharp blue ice cold eyes, this flash of her tongue piercing whenever she would speak an 'E' or an 'O'.

she was leaning against a parked car and i was watching headlights halogen hovering on her like lithosphere aurora borealis dangerously close to the earth. I learned quickly that laws of modern physics
didn’t apply to her being an ethereal entity ever elegant evangelical acrophobia angel

i think a full 30 seconds passed before i could come back with something to say
so i went with
"ill wreck you, like a rental car with no insurance, then ill break the steering column and report you stolen"

it seemed that Vega and Polaris collided at that moment and i kissed her as Andromeda was throwing out event horizon astral halos in the sky, the seven layer satellite caught us in an off frame and my soul shouted Morse code heart beat intervals flush volcanoes B.P.M. in my chest.

suddenly blue and red lights began flashing, i thought i was dreaming in color (im colorblind) , it was the cops.

they shone this 100,000 candle power light into my eyes which was painful since my eyes are sensitive to light being colorblind.

on Austin pavement, under a bridge, my silhouette is reaching out five digit fingers to cover my face from the light and she was explaining something complicated to the cops.

i decided then that i had consumed far too much scotch since i was seeing triple, i had three hands and they all seemed marionette mimic controlled somewhere behind an organic curtain exit stage left.

"we should walk" she said(strands of blonde hair hanging like silk sheets over her eyes blue mulberry and mascara running epidermis laps down her face) me trailing behind her like a loving shadow kissing at her heels with the daisies and the doves.

hand in hand with a stranger im per ambling down 6th street in nocturnal Austin, there is epidemic of people all cascading around me in a slow-motion quicksand slow dance. Some fever pitched fountain is throwing out words from every direction like a liturgical hurricane and I can only make out a few sentences here and there (“.. they close at 2” , “use your fake ID” , “doesn’t she look wonderful?” , “ I think he’s colorblind”) then again maybe I imagined some of it.

catching her breath and waving down a taxi (yellow checkered brake signs igniting a reflection from a puddle on the pavement and the squeal of Lincoln brakes riding streak on the metal of factory tires)

door closes and im lost in her, face pressed against hers and hands being held at the wrists accidentally pushing the window button and texas air blowing in cool through the gap. Some transponder beeping is telling us our seat belts aren’t attached. I know that the seat belt is actually stabbing me sharply in the hip but i can only feel my skin aesthetically glued to hers, she keeps her eyes opens when she kisses, this blue contrast against the brown leather of a back seat quickly becoming a private lust picture show with our rare images paneled back to us in the pane of glass quickly on the down dance.


that ride couldn’t last long enough

she gets out and tells me "i hope you write the way you kiss..."

me : "And what way is that?"

A car flashes past , splashing white light over her legs for second, (fish nets and an angel tattoo on her ankle)

her (walking away casting one terminal look over her bare shoulder, blue eyes blazing and hands out in a home coming gesture): "Completely chaotic and tragically over dramatized"

watching spotlight after streetlight fading down this see though crystal windshield, remembering the colors i can only half see track pacing up and down her clothes passing primary hue batons back and fourth within her skin

i laugh, because the light got closer to her than I could ever dream.

cab driver : "Who is your lady friend? Someone special?"

me : "Yea, a classy debutante type dame, a real catch.."



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"far"

shout you silly dame,
scream skyscraper that ten syllable latent liquid lullaby
make these hands want again, only what was some hectic home chaotic charity forever

run run my dear girl
gap that one letter distance between falling and this fight finale for faith and fear
watch those eyes bar dart back and fourth as a telemetry tricks
making loops in my mind every time you're near showing me exactly
when dire days double as first fears

twist twist twist
you may slide through and throughout this silence grip, emotionally jay walking all over the spotlight street side, then this siren sails out solemn audio crawling at the sides and running down run down uptown ware house buildings.

watch forever
i might do literary back flips to see your eyes motion dance in a here and back motion parade all jaded blue and that blue dress that wears you.

running hands perpendicular geometry rule breaking bright shaking star streaking through your fingers and out air ways again.

listen, you unbelievably gorgeous girl
hear this 5 string serenade, i swear then a six string soliloquy was written with the letters in your name, all alphabet town trick splitting some punctuation miracle and making from you some senders sentence, shouting out Austin mid sky line "come back, i cant i cant i cant..."

taste you in day and diamond stellar diatribes, all cosmic skipping through a heart shaped constellation, enigmas envy and an elevator embrace eulogy.
that undying image i always see pressing digits Liberace bouncing into my eyes, whiplash eyelash shutting shouting and shooting off some warning silo.

further than a whisper, a notion, a caving notion, rocks tumbling in and all that possibility buckling with it and giving away endlessly, flawlessly, and selflessly.

some half hearted victory song is ringing out in your room, its following me down to the ground, cause im floor bound and screaming out no sound.

know, how far it was, to fix what we broke into pyromaniacs puzzle pieces and set fire in this flesh.

im still burning, fuel forever, and far away.

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